Sex and the Stroke Survivor: A Case of Futility?

I knew I had to write about it. I'd been thinking about getting something done on the laptop for over a year, but every time I sat down to write about it, I'd think about some other topic. And then the brochure came. So now's the time. This is the best I've got.
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Stroke Connection magazine just published a glossy, comprehensive brochure entitled, "Living with Disability After Stroke," and I was sure that the "s" word was in it.  (All right, sex, ok?) But it wasn't. I didn't understand how they, meaning the writer, editor, somebody, could have left it out. I did some research to find the reason why.

I found out that no one took the blame for omitting the topic, but most people who have partners think about sex post-stroke, or rather the guilt in not satisfying the other half, (not necessarily the better half. Just sayin'). The most common question in my email asked by stroke survivors is, can it even be possible to have the feelings about sex like I did before the stroke.

The National Stroke Association says, "The need to love and be loved, and to have the physical and mental release sex provides, is important. But having sex after stroke can present problems or concerns for you and your partner." The article goes on to say that lubrication, incontinence, and indifference are the top three.

Hmmm. More research, I said.

Aside from "been there, done that" masturbation if you feel the need, there is the Intimate Rider. Known as the apparatus [albeit needless, at least to me] "helping couples overcome physical challenges & disabilities for years," the Intimate Rider allows partners to achieve a full range of motion without maximal effort, permitting "you and your partner to unleash your intimacy in a way that was not possible before-- the way you deserve!" Deserve? How presumptive!

To me, the Intimate Rider looks like a beach chair and an army cot at the uncool price of $365, but if buying it gets you in the mood....

Then there's the Positioning Support Strap--$16--that "alleviates some of the pressure from your back and will bring you even closer to your partner as you enjoy the IntimateRider. Simply wrap the strap around the hips of your partner as she waits for you on all fours."

Huh? A bit of sexism? Who says she wants to wait for you on all fours? Maybe he'd be on all fours.

The useful Thera-Band straps

Anyway, you could always improvise the Positioning Support Strap with a Thera-Band strap used in physical therapy, without mentioning the real reason. Make up something, like you want a Thera-Band strap to tie up your dog at night. Be brief about it, but go ahead. You can do it.

Seriously, though, sex after stroke may present insurmountable problems, like:
* inability to move into positions that are comfortable, or
* erectile dysfunction where Viagra doesn't work, or
* fatigue, common in stroke survivors, or
* "not sexy" incontinence getting in the way, or
* depression, the feeling-blue syndrome, or
* decreased libido where you're never in the mood for the time being, or
* fear of another stroke.

There are plenty more.

If you're having problems, talk to your partner, but oftentimes, that's not enough. There could be shame or guilt or neglect on the part of one partner or the other. If any one of the three surfaces, go and seek help for it, assuming the two of you want to get help. A psychologist who specializes in sexual malfunction wouldn't be a bad place to start. The two of you have to go. One of you just wouldn't work. Ever.

Thoughtless Person: You Didn't Finish the Book YET? Stroke Survivor: No, Dumbass. Remember? I've Had a Stroke!

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. Joseph Addison
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/search_results.html?q=reading

John Addison (1672 –1719), the essayist, song writer, playwright, and diplomat, is famous for that quote about reading: Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. Truth be told, there wasn't much to do in that time. Sometimes, just for a few seconds, I would have liked to be part of that generation, where reading and writing and speaking were the high points of the day. People were smarter back then. Just look at the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence! But I digress.

Back to the point, I always read slowly, absorbing and silently verbalizing every word, not wanting the book or reports to ever end. About a month before I had a stroke, I wanted to take up speed reading. But work piled up even more and I never got around to it.

Seven years later after my stroke, I read an article in Lifehacker,  written by Thorin Klosowski, who reviewed speed reading methodologies. Klosowski concluded that "speed reading anything you need to truly comprehend is probably a bad idea. However, if you have a few documents you need to get through or you're reading something that isn't that important, these methods can still be worthwhile. Just know that you won't become a super-fast reading comprehension machine."

So I gave up the notion and was satisfied with my 350 words per minute which, as it turns out, falls within the range of normalcy, especially grateful that my double vision post-stroke disappeared within five weeks. But not everybody is so lucky when it comes to the written word, and the trouble comes about mainly from dyslexia or aphasia in stroke survivors. And my point being, both of them affect reading.

Dysarthria is garbled or unintelligible speech.

Source: HealthTap, https://www.healthtap.com/user_questions/22470

Dysarthria is garbled or unintelligible speech.

Source: HealthTap, https://www.healthtap.com/user_questions/2247I might offend the speech and language out there in severely minimizing the descriptions of each, but I'll proceed anywaDysarthria is garbled or unintelligible speech

Dyslexia, also called associated dyslexia or alexia, occurs often in reading when the brain's ability to read is disrupted by the size and location of each individual stroke, even when the writing ability remains intact. The process of paying bills and following written instructions, for example, are often followed by increasing anger and frustration. A dyslexic individual would see letters in different shapes. To compensate, many individuals use audiotape resources, but the process of reading recovery is complex, depending on the severity and location of the stroke.

Aphasia is damage to the language areas of the brain. The three major kinds of aphasia are:

Wernicke's Aphasia where stroke survivors often have difficulty with understanding speech and may not be cognizant of saying the wrong words. Reading and writing are often majorly affected.

Broca's Aphasia where the stroke survivors' speech are limited often to less than five words, but they may be able to understand speech and be able to read but have difficulty with writing.

Global Aphasia where stroke survivors lost the ability to read and write. It is a result of substantial damage to the language areas of the brain. 

Whatever the case, Speech and Language Therapists (SLT) could help. Make sure you go and visit one for diagnosis and remedies. Without reading, you may be lost forever if you don't seek out advice. Call your local hospital to start your journey to find a certified SLT. You have much to gain and nothing to lose.