An excerpt from my book, "The Tales of a Stroke Patient"....
The plug which led to recharging the battery was still in its socket. Using the
patience I was born with, and not so much since I had the stroke, I
waited for help. While I was waiting, I saw the controls: forward,
backward, a wheel when you wanted to turn, and a horn. Easy enough.
The help soon arrived in the form of a teenager who was going on break.
"Could you unplug the cart," I asked, knowing he was going to do it.
"Sure,"
he uttered, with cigarette smoke on his breath. He probably wanted to
get in a full smoke before he had to return to duty.
He
unplugged the cart and wrapped the excess cord behind the unit to keep
it out of my way. I tipped him though I knew it would be going for
cigarettes.
By now, 15 minutes had passed and my friend was long gone from the produce aisle. Oh, well, I really was on my own. But he had the shopping list, though I had my cell phone. So I called him.
"Where are you," I inquired.
"In the ketchup aisle."
I
wasn't used to sitting down while I went food shopping, so I had to
raise my head a bit higher to see where the ketchup was. It was in aisle
9.
"Where were you," he asked, though I knew he really didn't care where I was, just so long as I didn't leave the store.
"You said, 'You're on your own.'" He switched topics when he knew I had him dead to rights.
"I'm going to get crackers. Which kind do you want?"
I
followed close, but I lost him in aisle 17 when he said he was going
back to retrieve something he'd forgotten. I couldn't make a u-turn fast
enough. I went to aisle 21, the dairy section, because that's where he
would wind up. String cheese was on the list.
I
decided to practice the controls at maximum speed because at this
point, I only used the forward button. I stayed on the same path and I
counted to three. Forward (1, 2, 3). Reverse (1, 2, 3). Forward (1, 2,
3). Reverse (1, 2). I never got to 3 because a fashionable though
ostentatious woman (you know the type where their poop doesn't stink?)
was there in the path I had so carefully laid out for myself. Not only
did I hit her on her hip, but I ran over what I thought was her recently
manicured toe.
She
was on the cell phone and I probably woke her up to her surroundings.
She said to the person on the other end, with me sitting no more than 3
feet away, "Some crazy-ass bitch in one of those handicapped
thing-a-ma-jigs just ran over my toe! She's sitting right here. And I
just had a pedicure!"
I knew it.
She didn't mention anything about the hip. Evidently, the toe was a
priority. It would have been mine, too, before I had the stroke. At
least, I understood her priorities.
She
continued talking on the cell phone, going right for the string cheese.
Her voice was getting shriller and louder. Oh, crap. What if my friend
came back at that very moment and she demanded money for the pedicure,
knowing we were together? What if the person she was talking to gave her
advice, like getting my license or calling the cops?
....
This is what it is. A tease. If you bought the book, you already know the outcome. If you didn't buy the book, you'll always wonder for a time. Amazon is the cheapest. I'm just sayin'.
"If you have one great friend, consider yourself lucky."
A wise man said that to me once upon a time. But does that statement apply to stroke survivors? Not so much, because stroke survivors are perceived as pitiable way too often.
Here's one for you, stroke survivors: you have to work at keeping friends, just like "normals" do! Surprised at my answer? Well, it's true. I had to learn the hard way, all those months sitting alone when I could have enjoyed myself.
A study was done at Academics at City University London. They found that having a stroke
can negatively affect a person’s social network. Children and relatives were mostly in touch, but many
stroke survivors reported that the number of friends they saw
significantly declined.
Says the study, "The City team recruited
87 stroke survivors from two acute stroke units based in London teaching
hospitals. They interviewed participants at two weeks, three months and
six months post stroke,and found that aphasia, a language disability that
can affect talking, understanding, reading or writing, was the cause."
Dr. Sarah Northcott, Research Fellow in the School of Health Sciences at City University London, said, “Our
study showed that many stroke survivors report that their social
networks are badly affected. People who have aphasia are particularly at
risk of losing contact with friends and their wider social network.
“We
know that supportive relationships are crucial in enabling a person to
adjust to life following a stroke, so it’s really important that we
consider a person’s support networks during post-stroke rehabilitation."
Real data. How about that. So here are five ways to keep friends in your "social network":
1. Ask for help when it comes to going out
People love to help. (Most people, that is). Don't be embarrassed about asking for a ride, helping you traverse a rocky terrain, or assisting you down the scary stairs. It's a win-win situation. People are gratified that they could help and you get the help you need.
2. Don't be a Debby Downer
Save your crabbiness for when you come home. I know. I know. You've had a tough day, but most people don't realize that you have to work at least twice as hard on daily living stuff, like getting dressed, taking food from the refrigerator, and arguing with people when the words just don't come as easy as they did before. Force you yourself, if need be, to smile and be pleasant.
3. Invite them over
You have to do your part. It wouldn't take much to set out a plate of cookies and drinks. Do it slowly. There's no need to rush if you start an hour or two early before your invited guests appear. It shows an interest in your friends. You have to do inviting sometimes. It can't be a one-way street.
4. Find common interests
I belong to a Writers Group that meets regularly at the library. Or maybe sports are your thing. You can run the food booth or be a scorekeeper or even a fan. Everybody loves an enthusiastic fan. Or how about asking your place of worship what speakers they have on board? There's always something to do.
5. Get used to the people saying dumb things about strokes
I've heard them all. They were said to me. "You wanna race my 2-year-old grandson to see who gets there first?" Or how about this winner? "Did your life change for the better or worse after you've had a stroke?" Or even this: "Does the movie theater have a special rate for you people?" They don't know. That's all. Practice staying calm and let the "normals" talk, albeit moronically. If you get angry, that's 1 point for them and a possible reason to shun you forever. Keep. Your. Cool. I can't stress that enough.
Sufficient discussion, yes? Now get to work on staying social. And enjoy yourself, even if you have to force it in the beginning. Sometimes, you will have to pretend, but take my advice. Fairly soon, the socializing will come naturally.
And most of all, don't be discouraged by, for example, a narcissistic brute who doesn't want to help in any way, who avoids you at all costs, including "friending" you, as Facebook says.
William Hickson, a British educational writer, is credited with popularizing these poetic lines:
'Tis a lesson you should heed:
Try, try, try again.
If at first you don't succeed,
Try, try, try again.
