Everything Happens For a Reason? Utter Nonsense!

Once in awhile, you hear somebody say, when something disastrous occurs, "Everything happens for a reason." (And its corollary: It's a blessing in disguise. Ugh.) I used to say it, too. But now, it brings up thoughts of infants dying of SIDS, of good people having a fatal disease, of innocent folks experience a mudslide without insurance. Why would anything happen to them!

 

I believe in God, albeit an agnostic right at the edge, but I believe it's a random occurrence for how things shake down. It's all bad luck. Don't fool yourself. It's not "God's plan." How could it be!

Canadian philosopher Dr. Paul Thagard says, "For some people, thinking this way makes it easier to deal with relationship problems, financial crises, disease, death, and even natural disasters such as earthquakes. It can be distressing to think that bad things happen merely through chance or accident. But they do."

Adversity strategist Tim Lawrence writes, “Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” 

Freelance journalist Nicholas Clairmont argues, "'Everything happens for a reason' is my very least favorite thing for someone to say."

The list is endless. Can they all be wrong? 

Let me give you some scenarios when "Everything happens for a reason" is said most--when some friend is going through a relationship break-up and you say, "Everything happens for reason." It's ridiculous. Fucked up. Or when somebody lost all their retirement money in a scam. Or when somebody lost a child. Egads, person! Everything happens for a reason? Get real!

The event that changed my mind forever in not saying "everything happens for a reason" was my stroke on April 8, 2009. I had low cholesterol, low blood pressure, no diabetes, and participated in none of the life choices people make to cause a stroke to happen. I couldn't have prevented a stroke anyway because as it turns out, I had "S protein deficiency" that  is a disorder of blood clotting. People with this condition have an increased risk of developing abnormal blood clots. And I had clots in every limb. 

"Everything happens for a reason" was said by a friend, M, when I had the stroke, two months after.

"Look what it did! Everything happens for a reason because if you didn't have a stroke, your book [The Tales of a Stroke Patient] wouldn't have been written."

I thought, What a moronic thing to say. I am an author,  having written a book and articles before my stroke. I hid in the bathroom for about an hour, sobbing, dry heaving, and thinking she's a stupid jerk. I imagine she felt better, thinking that expression was kind, giving me cause to write, but I felt so much worse. I would write some other book. 

So why even try if it's God's plan anyway? How about if you cruise through life on a shoestring budget because if it's God's plan, why bother? Those words are blasphemy to some, but if there really is God, and I think there is, why wouldn't He want the best for everyone? 

These are God questions that I asked in elementary school, sixty and some odd years ago. I still have no answers about God and His plans. But "everything happens for a reason" is bullshit. I answered that 10 years ago.

Depression, Anxiety, and Brain Injury : It's So Much More Than the Blues

Needless to say for the readers of this blog, I had a stroke. I feel fine one day and mopey the next for whole afternoons. Two weeks pass and then I feel good again for the next two days and mopey the next evening. I used to say it was depression. But it's not. Not even close. 

Depression symptoms may include feelings of sadness, loss of interest in activities that were once contenting, helplessness, sleep problems, and suicidal thoughts or actions. [I said I was suicidal, but I did not even attempt to try killing myself--not even once].

I've heard it said, in its most simplistic definitions, that depression is worrying about the present; anxiety is worrying about the future. But they are related. I mean, how can you worry about the present without worrying about what's coming tomorrow? 

The Stroke Foundation in Australia says it is normal to feel sad or worried after a stroke. I agree with that statement, but I detest the timelines like in the following. 

"If you feel sad, down or miserable for more than two weeks, you may have depression. You may lose interest or pleasure in things you normally enjoy. You may lack energy, have difficulty sleeping, or sleep more than usual. You may find it difficult to concentrate, to solve problems and to keep appointments," the Aussies say. 

"Feeling anxious is normal when we feel under pressure. The feelings usually go away when the stressful situation is over. If anxious feelings do not go away, or if you are anxious for no particular reason, you may have anxiety."

What happened to "all strokes are different"? Like snowflakes, it is often said. In my opinion, it's so much more complicated that that.  

So what does this mean? I'll make it clearer. Stroke has the potential to affect your worth as a human being, questioning your existence and the part you play in it [depression], and make you worry about the future, like about the future, like altering responsibilities, work, relationships, and finances [anxiety]. 

Depression and anxiety--intertwined at one point or, maybe, forever. Depression is most common the first year after a stroke, but it can prolong, along with anxiety which may occur during the same time frame or following each other, or later. Loved ones and caregivers, of course, may experience depression and anxiety as well. (I hear the incantations "every stroke is different" playing somewhere in my brain, for the strokee and all who participate in the care of such).

WedMD says, "Many people who have a stroke or so-called mini-stroke (transient ischemic attack, otherwise known as TIA) become depressed afterward, yet up to two-thirds are not getting ample treatment for their depression."

"A lot of people are not aware of this risk,” Nada El Husseini, MD, Duke University stroke researcher says. “Even if they are feeling depressed, they don’t think it’s relevant.”

However, it is relevant. Depression can affect rehabilitation as well as recovery following a stroke. Chad Miller, MD, an Ohio State University associate professor of neurology and neurologic surgery, says, “Depression needs to be added to the checklist of things that stroke patients [and other brain injuries as well] need to be evaluated for.”

A new study in which Dr. Miller participated, included 1,450 U.S. adults who had a stroke and nearly 400 who'd had a TIA.  

Around 18% of the stroke survivors and about 14% of those who'd had a TIA were depressed three months after. A year after the stroke, 16% were depressed and 13% of those who had a TIA. 

"Depression was more likely to last in people who were younger, were more disabled by their stroke, and who were unable to return to work three months after their stroke," the study says.

The study goes on to say, "Around 70% of people with constant depression weren't being treated with antidepressants at either the three and 12-month mark."

“Each stroke doctor is somewhat aware of this risk, but it may not be one of the priorities,” Miller says. Many stroke specialists focus on addressing risk factors to prevent another stroke from occurring and rehabilitation issues. 

Uh huh. What does that sentence even mean? And who are these stroke specialists?

If you think you have depression and/or its sister, anxiety, like trouble sleeping or feelings of hopelessness, after a brain injury like stroke, you would be better off visiting your primary physician and tell all the symptoms that make you think you have depression and/or anxiety. A trusted doctor may treat your depression/anxiety or refer you to someone who can. 

Remember, stroke affects the essential organ--the brain. The brain is the most complex organ in the body, made up of a complex network of billions of nerve cells called neurons. So the takeaway? One, it is not uncommon to have depression and anxiety after a stroke and two, the feelings you have are your feelings. Don't let anybody diminish them.